WHAT A TANGLED WEB(SITE) WE WEAVE…

Unless you have been sequestered in the mountains over the past two weeks, then you must have heard about ‘My Oga at the Top.’ You haven’t? Or you have but just don’t mind being reminded? Well, rather than ‘trying’ to explain this new phenomenon, you just have a look for yourself (again).

(Incase the video doesn’t show, try this link)

Yes. That is the video clip that over the past two weeks has sent social media engines into hyper-drive with several interpretations of the funny but sad – pathetic, even – exchange that went on in the video above. The major response to the video has been contagious laughter by the people and I, admittedly, at the very least, chuckle, with every new incarnation of this occurrence and will post some of the ones I’ve seen at the end of this entry.

However, as funny as this may appear, in all honesty, it is not a laughing matter. Yes, I’m still laughing but I think I should be crying right now, as should other Nigerians. The viral video further highlights our continued free fall as a nation. Devolution, if you will. If what occurred is put into proper perspective, we just watched the Lagos State Commandant of the Nigeria Security and Civil Defense Corps fumble his way around – within, without, over, under, through, beside… – the answer to the most basic line of questioning: What is your website? In his defense (a very lame attempt, trust me but what am I without digression?), the pedant might say he was not entirely wrong as, perhaps, he really could not categorically give one then because he was not the one going to create it; ‘it’ being ‘his’ website, as a website ‘address’ would have been the proper question but like I said, that is the pedantic view. 🙂

Anyway, as some of you may have just found out, the NSCDC stands for Nigeria Security and Civil Defense Corps. I didn’t know what it stood for before I watched this video and the friend that sent me the link, nor the others he shared it with, knew either. Or at least, no one offered a meaning. So shame on me and I guess any other Nigerian who didn’t know this. OR… is it a shame on the agency and the government (it’s always their fault, isn’t it? – that’s sarcasm, for the uninitiated) for not making themselves known? I mean, the interviewers did try to help us out by finding out the web address but we all saw how that worked out. So, I decided to find out the actual web address of the NSCDC (www.nscdc.gov.ng) and also what the outfit is about. Feel free to visit the website but here are some highlights:

The first item (at the time of posting) you see on the site, under LATEST NEWS is tagged: NSCDC DEPLOYES 5,000 PERSONNELS FOR FCT ELECTIONS

Now, I’m not sure if this is a pedantry issue as ‘speaking/writing good English’ isn’t necessarily a demand in service but it certainly helps. However, alarm bells cannot but go off in my head when I see ‘deployes’ and ‘personnels’ on the home page of a website, a national one at that. It is not very encouraging.

Anyway, moving further through the site, the first three paragraphs of the ABOUT section read thus:

“NSCDC is a para-military agency of the Government of the Federal Republic of Nigeria that is commissioned to provide measures against threat and any form of attack or disaster against the nation and its citizenry. The corps is statutorily empowered by lay Act No. 2 of 2003 and amended by Act 6 of 4th June 2007.

The Corps is empowered to institute legal proceedings by or in then and of the Attorney General of the Federation in accordance with the provisions of the constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria against any person or persons suspected to have committed an offence, maintain an armed squad in order to bear fire arms among others to strengthen the corps in the discharge of its statutory duties

The Nigeria Security and Civil Defence Corps was first introduced in May 1967 during the Nigerian Civil War within the then Federal Capital Territory of Lagos for the purpose of sensitization and protection of the civil populace. It was then known as Lagos Civil Defence Committee.”

Can we call Commandant Obafaiye Shem’s (yes, that’s his name) response (or lack, thereof) ‘a disaster against the nation and its citizenry?’ You decide. Moving on…

The MISSION & VISION page reads thus:

MISSION:
* Developing structures and training strategies that would contribute to the national security by using modern technology.
VISION:
* To put to work efficiency, humility and integrity in service delivery with a fresh zeal; bring credibility into concept of security.
FOCUS:
Our focus shall be in the area of broad based information networking monitoring of movement.

On the MISSION statement, modern technology like say… the internet?

On the VISION, with regards to it’s Channels Television representative’s performance: where was the efficiency, humility or integrity? There was certainly a zeal but fresh is one of the last words I’d attach to it. And let’s just steer clear of the credibility angle, shall we?

While an entire change of FOCUS is required after this interview, I guess focusing on ‘broad based information’ made little pockets of info like say… a website address, unimportant?

After surfing the NSCDC site, I decided to watch the full interview during which this gem was dropped to try and get an overall feel for what really went down. (Broken down into three parts, you can watch the interview via the channelsweb YouTube page). Commandant Shem (even his name, unfortunately for him, adds to the unintentional comedy) was in the studio to discuss the allegations of fraudulent recruitment activities existing within the NSCDC and 12 other government agencies. It starts with a report of a man (identity concealed) alleging that he was told N150,000 would secure him a job, with a N50,000 deposit and the N100,000 balance to be paid on employment. He has lost all contact with his ‘recruiter’ since the deposit was paid. To Commandant Shem’s credit, he did make, for me anyway, a valid point in this regard, asking how and why, a supposedly poor and unemployed Nigerian would find a way to raise that kind of money and give someone to get him a job. He put the figure at N400,000 – N500,000 though. So, seriously, if you can find a way to raise that much money and still hand it over for the promise of a job? I don’t know what else to say. Yes, I know times are hard and poverty is very real, causing people to act rather irrationally but… I don’t know… Moving on…

Commandant Shem, who took charge of the Lagos office three months ago after being redeployed from Katsina, was there to say that no form of employment scams existed within his agency. Watching him address questions, his internet hit makes perfect sense as it was in line with his performance up to that point and beyond. I hope you do find the time to watch this interview but below are some of the things that struck me while watching:

When asked how he was certain there were no employment scams going on in the ranks of the NSCDC, he responded, “The truth is, if you’re an insider and you see the kind of leadership we have, you will know this kind of thing cannot take place in Nigeria Security and Civil Defence Corps.”

(Well… you took us inside and we’ve seen, and I doubt many of us share that confidence.)

“If fraudster have taken advantage [of a segment of our website], fine but that does not necessarily mean that it is staff of NSCDC involved in this scam.”

(Oh, what a relief! The NSCDC is clean, so it’s totally fine that the website has been compromised and hundreds – maybe thousands – are being mislead. Great job!)

When asked what steps were being taken to remove possible false websites, his response: “I am the Lagos Commandant. The question you are asking can be better answered by my ogas at Abuja.” When the question was re-issued, he added, with no explanation, mind, that “they will automatically be closed.”

(Hey, you’re just the Lagos boss and it’s only, what, the main commercial hub of the country? You’re right. You absolutely should be clueless on such matters because the D in NSCDC, Lagos, doesn’t stand for ‘defence’ like it does elsewhere? Roger that! Yes, I am intentionally ignoring the automatic comment. It might turn into a whole blog entry)

When asked if he had ever visited the website, he first hesitated, uttered a stifled grunt (that very Nigerian, “huh” that I really can’t do justice in words; sort of like “hehn”) before the question was repeated and he offered, “Most often, it’s my admin. You know I told you, I’m just three months old, so I’m most of the time in operation.” So the question is repeated and he offers, “Personally? No. I have not.” So he is asked if he thinks he can competently talk about what’s going on on his website which he has never visited and he says, “I have staff that gives me information about what’s happening on daily basis. I can’t be in all departments.”

(I’ll leave you alone with this one…)

He also shared this: “We have possibly the fattest and fastest intelligence gathering system in the country because we are everywhere.”

(…)

There’s a lot more where these came from but you have to see for yourself. This, for all intents and purposes, is an example of the leadership we have today. The sad part is, he might be very good at his job but just lacks the skills of self expression to effectively get his point across but watching the viral clip and the interview in itself, that position is very hard to defend. Where he could have simply said, “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure,” he opted instead to ramble on for a few seconds, forever cementing notoriety. His reassurance on the absence of scamming at the NSCDC is “confidence in its leadership.” That is what the hungry, duped, unemployed citizen you have sworn to defend is supposed to accept? That’s straight up cow’s boyfriend’s doodoo.

We’ve all laughed repeatedly at the video but what about the millions crying while the ‘fattest’ are getting fatter? Nigeria is like a 53 year old man that can’t tie his shoelaces, so he keeps tripping over himself. We are sabotaging ourselves! Where does it stop? What can we do? What do we do? Everything but give up hope but it gets harder every hour. Qualifications mean squat, it’s all about connections. ‘I don’t care about your character, I care about what you can charter and your idle chatter.’ It is a cesspool and we’re all seemingly willingly diving in; head first, ass out for easy access to never ending screwery. Yes, I can still make up words while I’m pissed.

I heard Commandant Shem has since been fired which is probably a rumor but who knows? In the military ranks, in these parts anyway, that often supposedly means redeployed to some outpost out of ‘harm’s way.’ If he’s really been fired, is he to blame, really or he’s just a product of his environment? A result of the system which chronically allows offices of import to be held by individuals who either don’t care, have no clue or both. I mean, the ‘oga pata pata at the top’ did go on CNN to say the citizenry is happy with the power situation… Which way is up?

It hurts just thinking about it, so I’m going to let go now and look for some ice cream to cool down my boiling noggin. So as promised, I will now refresh your memory with the numerous ‘social experiments’ birthed by this unfortunate incident or introduce you to them for the first time. In parting, I will say this… we need a resolution and we are the solution, we just need to find the right formula. Failure to do so, categorically speaking, would be a damn shem.